Annoying Girl

mean lady

mean lady pencil

The other day my girlfriend and I went to the symphony.  I pointed out a girl seated in a box who had an old-school collar sprouting up out of her jacket.  My girlfriend said that earlier in the lobby while waiting for me to return from the restroom, this girl gave her a dirty look.

“Really?” I asked.  “Why?”

“I don’t know.  I think she was just in conversation and had a scrutinizing look on her face.  When I caught her eyes she looked away.”

“Her collar looks weird,” I said.

We saw collar girl again when we left, and I decided that she was haughty, unpleasant, and a showoff.

Monday I called my girlfriend.

“I’m doing a drawing of the girl that gave you a dirty look.”


“The girl with the collar at the symphony.  I’m going to make her look dumb.”

“Go team!”

“Right.  I’m going to have her drinking the tears of orphans out of a champagne glass.”

“Don’t do that.”

“I’m just going to put a label and an arrow pointing to the champagne glass that says ‘Tears of Orphans.'”

“I don’t like that.”

“Why not?  It’s funny.  I’ll talk about how this girl was a snob at the–”

“Don’t do that.  At least don’t use my name.”


“I don’t like how you guys always talk about drinking the tears of orphans.”

“We’re not actually encouraging people to–I don’t even know how one would proceed to drink the tears of–It’s not like something anyone’s actually in danger of doing.  It’s just a description of a diabolical person.”

Since I had completed so much of the drawing.  I decided to just go ahead and finish it.  Alissa said she liked the drawing, but that the real girl had more of a squarish collar not points.  Also she expressed some concern.

“What if she sees it?”

“So.  Who cares?  She was a jerk.”

“She wasn’t a jerk.”

“She gave you a dirty look.”

“She just had a disdainful expression.  I think it was one of those things where she was staring absent-mindedly and didn’t know it.”

“I kind of feel like you’re backing down, and I don’t like how you won’t let me say ‘tears of orphans.'”

“Do what you want.  It’s your blog.”

So anyway.  Here’s the drawing and the piece colored in Photoshop.  This girl may or may not be the girl we saw at the symphony and she is definitely NOT drinking the tears of orphans … or is she?


Published by Zach

I'm a writer and illustrator living in Creedmoor NC.

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  1. I’m sure she was a lovely person… with a comically oversized collar, which she constantly messed with, either for the satisfaction of popping it Elizabethan-style or because the unruly fabric kept flip-flopping every which way. Perhaps it was meant as an acoustic enhancement device for her listening pleasure. We’ll never know. I just hope she enjoyed the symphony. From her box seat.

    Great job, my love. Your figure extensions are truly captivating.

  2. I don’t know guys, it looks awfully salty in that glass to me.
    This incident reminds me of the time you posted about the guy that you tickled at the Russian Choral Music concert until he wet his pants. Why do these people congregate in concert halls?!

  3. The liquid in that glass is either (a) the tears of orphans, (b) unicorn blood, or (c) the sweat from the brows of the toiling millions.

    Or a cocktail of ALL THREE.

  4. I would havr worn a collar like that, especialy to a symphony. I love ruffled collars with a ladies tie.

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