Alvin Greene — Ultimate Warrior

Technically it isn’t criminal for Alvin Greene to recive 330,000 votes.  But it’s a little weird, right?  He’s an out-of-work discharged serviceman with felony charges, and a campaign that consists of two things: the sentence “Demint started the recession,” and a comic book starring Alvin Greene as The Ultimate Warrior.

On election night Alvin Greene stood in an empty hotel conference room with a miniature cucumber sandwich in his hand and rows and rows of empty chairs behind him.  He bobbed and weaved as a small group of newsmen followed him about the room.  His plan was simple: walk away from people with cameras.  When reporters cornered him and peppered him with questions, he relied on plan B: shove sandwich in mouth to delay answers.  Finally, when it couldn’t be avoided, he made a comment:

“Last year at this time I was unknown … so that’s a good thing … so um, like I said, and now, um … you know, I have things like these [holds up the cover of his comic book The Ultimate Warrior] and so we can, you know, promote things like these.”

This ridiculousness is made possible by the straight-party-ticket-vote.  Now I guess I understand straight party voting back in the day when you had color coded ballots and you needed easy ways to sort them, but it doesn’t make any sense today.  In fact, it seems that the only function of the straight party vote is to strengthen the weakest candidates on the party’s ticket.  I’m not a fan of the Democratic Party, but when a straight party line vote means that a person drawn to the polls to vote for Jim Clyburn ends up supporting Jim Clyburn’s nemesis Alvin Greene, something’s wrong.


Published by Zach

I'm a writer and illustrator living in Creedmoor NC.

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